Defining Things
(with apologies to Ogden Nash)
"Even though the people stare,
I am the man who wasn't there,
I am not there again today,
I wish to God I'd go away."
Defining Things
Ordinary people like Tina and Mike have always existed. Folks, who care for their children, care for their parents; family is first. They observe traditional role models, they are honest, decent -- they work hard.
They look forward to their holidays, enjoy them, enjoy each other’s company and still kiss each other when they have been apart for half an hour. They dance holding each other close or jive together whenever and wherever they feel like it, even when only they can hear the music.
They do not ask for anything from anyone, give to others as much as the boundaries of their lives permit them to give. They live and let live.
In times gone by Tina and Mike would have produced child after child, some living , some dying in infancy, they would have been part of a close knit community where few travelled away from where their families had lived for generations.
Tina had her tubes tied when the second and youngest girl was thirteen because Mike’s eyes watered at the thought of a vasectomy and they decided that their family was complete. They would have coped with birth, death, illness; saved a little for retirement and waited for their children to bring grandchildren to Sunday tea.
Today, Tina goes to bingo or line dancing with her friends. Mike stands at the bar, has a few pints, talks sport with the other Mikes. He sometimes agrees with them, sometimes he doesn’t about the big issues. His prejudices are strong in some areas, in other he is laid back and liberal. They are all the same. Discussion revolves around degree, not innovation. Opinions rarely change, they are merely tempered according to company and mood and amount of alcohol consumed.
Tina and Mike do not aspire to high art, or art at all beyond popular ephemera. They do not need to read much when they have a flat screen TV, a state of the art DVD recorder and computers with wireless routers for internet access for everyone in the house. They are content with plain cooking and a take away once a week.
Mike is worried because Tina is in pain. Tina has been to the doctor with the pain, but a couple of weeks ago she collapsed with the pains coming on sharpish in her stomach and Mike called an ambulance because he does not have a driving license. Tina does, and that is enough, he does not need to drive, but Tina can get the shopping and that of her mother and mother in law, and take the family out on day trips, so she learned a few years ago and they have a nice, but unexciting middle-aged car. The ambulance rushed Tina to the hospital in the next town, where she was kept in over night for tests and observation then she was allowed home. Mike’s face was drawn, the corners of his mouth pulled down and the knot between his eyes tighter even than when England are doing really badly in a test match, as he tried not to be too clumsy as he hugged her and helped her into the taxi.
The tests showed that more tests were needed. Tina and Mike tried to carry on cheerfully and as normal, and Tina tried not to mention anything about the pain, not even when she was asked, for three months while the waited for results of tests upon tests. Tina had already been through something like this when she worked as a dinner lady , or ‘lunchtime assistant’ at the local school and knelt down to clean some spillage on the floor and her knee twisted awkwardly from underneath her and subsequently swelled up to the size of a rugby ball. It never fully recovered. The precise nature of the injury -- never ascertained regardless of several tests and X-Rays. The outcome was that it was just something she had to live with, as she had to live within the parameters of being Mike and Tina the same as her forebears had had to live within similar parameters for the last thousand years or so. It swells up if she walks or stands too long and she needs to borrow an arm to walk from time to time and it is always willingly given.
If Mike was a little more attentive to her at the club of late than as usual, if he was a little less tolerant of idiots, called people cunts more than usual and sometimes forgot not to say fucking or fuck in front of the women, no one said anything. The women whispered about lumps and avoided the ‘really scary’ C word. Me, I was afraid to ask how she was in case acknowledgment of illness made it a fact. If she didn’t mention it, it was probably best-left hanging, camouflaged, hopefully, like the giraffe in the toilet. I told Mike that not asking was not for want of caring but for want of not being Tina and not knowing how to care without making things worse.
Yesterday Tina had the ‘All Clear’. Her pain -- defined as Not Cancer. It is still there, it still hurts, nothing has changed, but it is Not Cancer. Tina has gone shopping for new clothes in celebration. Mike has booked flights to America.
